Your portfolio deserves this roast.
Paste your holdings or upload a screenshot. Bearish Roast turns your allocation into a savage, shareable card—then shows the risk hiding behind the punchline.
Free to try. No brokerage login required.
Roast excerpt
“Diversification called. It wants its password back.”
Built for the first roast
A new tool. Clear rules from day one.
Savage, not reckless
Every roast is built to entertain without pretending to be financial advice.
Your holdings stay yours
Paste a position list or upload a screenshot—then choose what you share.
A useful punchline
Behind the jokes, Bearish Roast flags concentration, overlap, and risk patterns.
From positions to punchline
Bring the bags. We’ll bring the receipts.
Bearish Roast is designed around the way retail traders already share: fast, visual, and impossible not to send to the group chat.
Drop in your holdings
Paste stocks and crypto or upload the screenshot you were about to post anyway.
Get the roast
Our AI reads the allocation, finds the weirdness, and turns it into a roast with actual context.
Share or face the facts
Export a card for the timeline, or unlock a straight-faced risk verdict for yourself.
Serious layer
Past the joke
Concentration check
See when a “diverse” portfolio is really one trade in three costumes.
Overlap signals
Spot correlated bets across stocks, ETFs, and crypto before the market does it for you.
Redemption arc
Re-roast after you rebalance and find out whether the character development is real.
Choose your damage
Free laughs. Paid clarity.
Start with a roast card. Upgrade only when you want the sober analysis behind it.
Paper Hands
For the first public humiliation.
$0forever
- 3 portfolio roasts per month
- Shareable roast card
- Stocks and crypto holdings
Conviction
For traders ready for the serious follow-up.
$9/ month
- Unlimited portfolio roasts
- Deep risk verdict
- Concentration and overlap checks
- Redemption re-roasts
No broker login. No pretending.
Let your allocation take the hit.
Get a roast worth sharing—and the risk signals worth keeping.
Roast my portfolio